Parent Game Day Game Plan

 

Southside Hoops Standard:
Prepare them. Free them. Love them.

It’s a coaching and parenting philosophy:

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• Prepare them → Model responsibility, calm, and readiness.

• Free them → Let them compete without extra noise or control.

• Love them → Respond with perspective and grace, win or lose.

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Purpose:

• Southside Hoops exists to develop young men through basketball.

• That means parents/guardians are part of our team culture.

• Just like coaches and players have a role on game day, parents/guardians do too.
   

Key Idea:

• How we act before, during, and after the game shapes our sons’ love for the sport and their growth as people.

• We want every Titan athlete to play with confidence, joy, and humility—and that begins with the environment we create together.

 

1. BEFORE THE GAME – Prepare the Body, Settle the Mind, Aim the Heart

 

A. Physical Prep

• Model responsibility: 

  • Early bedtime → better energy.

  • Real breakfast → steady fuel.

  • Water > sugar drinks.

  • Uniform, gear, etc set out and ready → less stress.
     

• Transfer ownership as they grow—let them take the lead.
   

• “Prepared players play freer.”
   

B. Mental Prep

• Avoid performance talk. When we make sports about identity or perfection, anxiety follows.

• Ask instead:
  → “How can I help you feel ready?”
  → “Anything you need from me today?”
   

• Normalize nerves. Every athlete feels them—it means they care.
   

• Keep the pre-game vibe light. Laughter > lectures.
   

• Goal: decrease pressure, not add to it.
   

C. Emotional Prep

• Focus on the process, not the outcome.
   

• Keep the main message simple: Play hard. Play smart. Play together.
   

• Encourage gratitude - remind them what a gift it is to compete: Play with an Attitude of Gratitude.
   

Key takeaway:

Parents can’t control performance—but they can create peace.

 

2. DURING THE GAME – Stay in Your Lane, Model Poise

 

A. Don’t Coach from the Stands

• Players need one voice—the coach’s. Let the coach coach.

  • You didn’t attend practices and may contradict what the coach teaches, leaving your son torn between two authorities.

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• Sideline coaching sounds like pressure, not help. ​

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• Let them struggle, problem-solve, and grow.
   

• It’s okay if it looks messy; that’s how learning works.
   

B. Don’t Argue with Officials or Coaches

• Officials are in short supply for a reason. They are leaving the game in record numbers.
   

• When parents go off on refs/coaches, they are preaching:

  • “Adulthood = no self-control when things aren’t fair.”

  • “The right response to adversity is anger.”
     

• Remember the lane assignments:
  → Officials → game | Coaches → team | Parents → support.​

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C. Stay Positive

• Your words set the emotional temperature. We teach/coach this:

  • “Don’t make permanent decisions based on temporary emotions.”

  • “Play with emotion - but not emotionally.”
     

• One Word’s and/or short, steady phrases work best:

  • “Great job!” “Compete free!” “Love your effort!” "Be present!" Use a focal point. Agree upon a visual reminder of truth. When they see it, repeat an identity statement such as: “I am stronger than I think.” "My identity is not this sport."

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• Passion is good—poise is better.
   

D. Cheer for the Team

• Know names. Encourage everyone - this includes social media interactions.
   

• Model “We over Me” - It’s what the players prefer.

  • Kids consistently say they enjoy sports more when their parents cheer for everyone — not just for them.

  • When parents encourage the whole team, it builds a sense of unity and takes pressure off their own child.

  • Hearing “Let’s go Titans!” feels different than hearing “Come on, Johnny!” after every play.

  • Team-centered support communicates: you’re part of something bigger than yourself.

  • It also models humility, perspective, and respect for others — key traits we want all our athletes to learn.

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• Practice delayed cheering.

  • Parental noise—“Shoot it! Drive it!”—often fuels pressure.
     

• When you cheer for everyone, it teaches your player to do the same.​

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E. Represent the Program Well

• In every gym, we carry the Southside Hoops Banner.
   

• We want opposing fans to say, “That’s a classy program.”
   

• Win or lose, be composed, kind, and respectful.
   

Key takeaway:

Parents are part of the atmosphere—make it one your son loves to play in.

 

3. AFTER THE GAME – Protect Joy, Build Trust, Keep Perspective

 

A. The Car Ride Home

• The most dangerous coaching spot there is.

  • The Ride Home
     

• Research shows players remember emotional “peaks” and “endings.” Make the ride home supportive and calm—leave coaching to the coach.
   

• Instead of critique (PGA's), choose connection:
  → “Is there anything from the game you want to talk about?”
  → If no, just say, “Okay. Proud of you.”
   

• Silence can be golden; it gives them space to process.
   

B. The Next Day

• When emotions settle, that’s the time for reflection.
   

• Ask questions instead of giving answers:
  → “What did you learn?”
  → “Anything you need from me today?”
   

• Build habits of self-awareness, not dependency.

  • Allow your son to face challenges and communicate with coaches themselves. 

  • Sports provide a safe space to develop independence.
     

C. Perspective Matters

• Remember: they’re still kids learning a hard game.
   

• Every mistake is a rep toward maturity (RALF).
   

• Your calm presence teaches them how to handle both winning and losing.

 

D. Weekly Connection Rhythms

• Find consistent one-on-one time (coffee/doughnuts, breakfast, walks, etc).
   

• Author Brian Smith, who I credit for much of this blog, has what he calls “Doughnuts with Dad.”
   

• Purpose: Relationship → Belonging.

  • Shared moments—whether over breakfast, a walk, or a positive ride home—remind our sons they’re valued and seen. That’s what gives them confidence to compete with freedom and joy.
     

Key takeaway:

The car ride home should build trust, not break it.

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That’s how we build confident athletes, grounded young men, and a culture worth carrying forward.

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The Titan Way:
Play Hard. Play Smart. Play Together.
PREPARE THEM. FREE THEM. LOVE THEM.